A Week To Forget

By Gary Costa

"Against The Wind", California...Sometimes I go through life, not really seeing what's important. I bitch and gripe about gas prices, get on my kids for bringing home a "B" instead of an "A". I do or did believe I'm an optimist, to hell with griping, I've always told myself.

I try to instill in my kids "The Golden Rule", I'm really huge on respect. It is how I was brought up. I have great kids, they are my favorite subject. Bare with me, and you will see how this all ties in.

It's weeks like I had last week, that makes your eyes open wide, and take a look around. It reminds you of what's important.

I've always prided myself in letting my readers know what's happening with me, and keep "Interrogation" not limited to just racing, but life in general as well.

Last Monday, I received a call from my fiancé Jennifer at 4:20 pm, as a busy day was winding down at work. The call was not a good one. It was about my younger brother..... he tried to commit suicide, he's at the Hospital, and that's all she knew. The guy is only 23 years old, with his whole life ahead of him. As I was working my way to the Hospital, I was furious, all kinds of shit was flowing through my mind....How can he do this to his niece's and nephews!..How could he do that to me!...How can he do that to himself!, you stupid bastard!...God watch over him......

As I entered the Hospital, I didn't know what to expect. He was lying in the Emergency room, drunk and sick. I don't understand why he did what he did. He took 2 handfuls of pills, and chased them with a 12-pack of cold ones. He is alive, but, I struggle with understanding it.

As the week wore on, I visited my brother, I love him so much, and I kept telling him just that. I let him know exactly how I felt.

Man, I was down. I kept thinking, what can I have done? I should have spotted it dammit! I was a Gang Counselor for 7 years! I'm educated in this stuff. I started beating myself up.

After beating myself up all week, the emotional week was coming to an end... so I thought. Friday was here! And I'm just mentally worn out ya know? Hell, I'm going to a race I told myself, it's my therapy.

Late Friday, I get a call from my dear Jenn. She is going to the Emergency room, as she's not feeling good. I arrive about 2 hours after the call, because I was working. See, she has been getting sick off and on for a couple of months, but the quacks didn't know what was wrong with her.

I arrive, and I'm not in the best mood. I told the Dr., we're not leaving until you find out what's wrong with her. I was pissed, and I will admit, my anger was probably misdirected.

They order an MRI. 2 hours after the MRI, the Dr. comes in with a serious look on his face, and the news I got, man I would have never expected.... she has Multiple Sclerosis....My head just dropped in my hands.

She is only 28, the best thing in my life man. She's funny. Don't ever bad mouth Damion Gardner or Brent Kaeding around her 'cause she'll go to fist city to defend those two.

Anyway, I was still feelin' it from my bro, and now this? Come on, how much more are we going to throw on me I said quietly to myself. I stood strong when the news was delivered, then excused myself to a secluded spot, and wept like a little baby.

They admitted her for a weeks stay in the Hospital. I stayed with her all night that first night. I came home to change out of my work clothes, entered the house, and immediately it hit me, man things are sure going to different. I looked at all the things she had done for our home, all the racing photos she has put in frames for me, and of course the tears started allover again.

I flopped down on the couch, thinking what am I going to do now? My plan of attack. I like to think things out before I act, so I came up with all these ideas. One was to quit writing. Any writer can tell you how much time it takes up. Most people don't realize. I'm not bitching, but for this wannabe writer, it does take up a lot of time.

I ignored calls, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was mad, sad, and everything in between.

I had enough of that. I told myself, man, you have people relying on you! Jenn, the kids! Instead of beating myself up, I decided to roll up my sleeves and fight. I realized that if I let this past week beat me, my kids are going to see dad as defeated, and not the strong man that I am. I have talked with them about the past week of course, and I get just as much strength from them as they get from me.

Jenn also needs me. What good am I going to be to her, if I allow myself to be defeated. Yes, the road is tough for all of us, and I'm not being naive, but bring it. I have my game face on.

I'm also very lucky to have guys that are around me that I look up to like Mike Sala and Steve Brooks, who are my employers. These guys are masters of adversity. And that stuff rubs off on a guy.

Yep, I was going to give it all up. The things that were important to me, became un-important in one sentence. But after realizing that all of you are my extended family, I could never run out on you either. I know it sounds crazy, but that's how I feel. I NEED racing, and the people involved in it.

Thanks for listening, and I'll see you all soon.

Respectfully, Gary

gary_costa1@yahoo.com